The Viral Spiral

A little over two weeks ago, Nathan Harris had uploaded a video he made to the internet. The video consisted of himself riding a boogie board down a steep driveway at a friend’s house during a flash flood. In a stroke of genius he had replaced his own face and head with that of esteemed revolutionary Fidel Castro. For the soundtrack, Nathan altered the Kool & The Gang hit “Jungle Boogie” by imitating the lead vocals, replacing “Jungle” with “Castro”. Needless to say, the video was a sensation. “Castro Boogie” was completely hilarious and it went viral.

Now Nathan was alarmed. A letter had arrived from an official source he was unfamiliar with, and primarily it stated that he should not be alarmed, which is universal code for becoming alarmed very quickly. It also stated that two men would arrive at his residence in a moment, and still he should remain unalarmed. Instead he grew very alarmed. Why would two men be following a mysterious, official letter precisely after its reading? They could be from the Cuban government. Perhaps he had offended Mr. Fidel himself, who had now become absolutely inseparable in the public mind from boogie boards, boogying and especially Castro Boogying.

Before he could get past these alarming opening statements, there was a firm knock at the door. Nathan peered at it from his current position for a moment, then, taking letter in hand, apprehensively opened it. There were indeed two men standing there, both in suits.

“Nathan Davis?” One asked.
“…Yes?” He quivered.
“You’re not in trouble, Nathan.”
“What kind of trouble?”
“You’re not in any trouble.”
The second man leaned forward, “What he means to say is Nathan, the kind of trouble you’re not in is all kinds of trouble.”
“All kinds of trouble?" Nathan shrieked, "What for?”
“For nothing. You’re not in any trouble.”
“Oh. Well that’s good.”
Seeing the letter in his hand, the first man enquired, "have you read the letter yet?"
"Only the first bit."

The second man sighed, then explained that Nathan should not be alarmed. The first man sighed noticably louder than the second man, and explained the whole caper to Nathan. Their employer was interested in Nathan's video, and invited him to spend a week under observation as part of a grand study into marketing and advertising tactics. A helicopter was parked on Nathan's driveway, and its sight reminded him of the deafening helicopter sound of approximately ten minutes ago that he had felt was perceptively close.

"This is a one-time deal," said the second man. "All you need to do is jump in the helicopter and we'll be off. Your family and work have been notified, and everything has been taken care of."

In fact, nobody had been notified. Nathan did not work anywhere either, a frightful oversight on the part of their research department that he did not dwell upon. Nathan had never been in a helicopter before, and agreed immediately.

The helicopter ride was fantastic. There was a small passenger compartment he sat in behind the two men who flew the helicopter, which made a few other stops along the way to pick up other lucky individuals. Nathan did not notice the direction in which they were heading, as the in-flight television was showing Seinfeld episodes, and Nathan loved Seinfeld. He loved it so much that when they landed he stayed behind for seven extra minutes to finish watching the current episode.

When he stepped off the helicopter, Nathan was greeted with a venerable paradise. A luxurious resort beckoned him, sitting upon a delectable and inviting white sand beach. He was shown to a large suite with a king size bed and free room service.

"That's right, it's all free," said the white-coated man who showed him in.
"But how? And why?" asked Nathan, bewildered and disbelieving all at once.
The white-coated man sighed. "You are going to be monitored, because our employer wants to observe the actions of people capable of creating viral videos on the internet." Nathan did not argue, and ordered a chicken soufflé with a bottle of expensive champagne. All the other guests had ordered chicken soufflé and expensive champagne as well. They were the most expensive items on the menu, and the mass orders sent the resort's head chef into a tailspin.

After chowing their meals and guzzling their wines, all of the guests slept in their king size beds. Then they shuffled down to the white sand beach and spent the afternoon lazing about, unsure of what they had to do but making the most of this fantastic one-time deal.

A week later, the boffins in charge had collected their necessary data to make calculated and accurate judgements regarding the creation of viral videos on the internet.

Marketing and advertising as an industry and artform could just not survive without a constant supply of luxurious abodes, chicken soufflé and expensive champagne. Beaches were optional, and if unavailable, a private Olympic size swimming pool should be offered as a humble replacement. The outcome was infallible, since Nathan and the other guests, the greatest marketing and advertising people outside of the business, seemed to do nothing else and still produce the best results outside of the business. These observations were forwarded at once to the employer, who agreed immediately and ordered for the doubling of all luxury items to staff in charge of marketing and advertising.

After their week in the lap of the gods, the guests were sent home with an air of bemused and heady confidence. They walked with newfound strides in their steps, and never created viral internet videos again.